Square Peg

I've been on this journey- a spiritual journey for a few months now. I've been searching for where I fit. The limited belief system that I've grown up

believing in doesn't inspire me as much as it use to and therefore, I've been in search of something more infinite, expanding, and inspiring. I haven't found it yet, but on this journey I've reconnected with a life-long friend and someone whom I respect personally and spiritually and he said something that made sense. He said something along the lines of that he doesn't believe we are supposed to "find it." "It" being religion, spirituality, or whatever one chooses to call it. If we can name it, box it up with a pretty bow, then that's not what we are searching for. As Wayne Dyer said, "if you can name the Tao, then it's not the Tao." So, this journey of mine has lost it's destination and remains just that.. a journey. Like most journeys, one doesn't know what to expect and I am amazed at what I've learned, what I've witnessed, and most of all I am so thrilled with the person who has jumped aboard on this journey with me. 

The inspiration for this piece of writing comes from something I heard from a dialogue between Esther Hicks (Abraham) and Wayne Dyer on their audible "Co-Creating at Its Best." Dyer brings up how in our generation autism is found in 1 out of every 100th child a drastic difference from 1 in every 10,000th child. Esther responds to this by saying,"Just like you [Dyer], they are coming forth to demand their freedom. They are saying that I'm going to be so different that you are not going to pound this square peg into a round hole." I am sure that this opinion can be argued and I am not saying that this is the reason why children are born with special needs, but when I heard this, a few things went through my mind.  My son is the square peg and his spirit is one of proudly being different. Being a parent of a special needs child is very challenging, demanding, and exhausting. However, I can see how my round peg- round hole being creates much of my mental anguish. My resistance to my child being a square peg creates limitations on both him and myself. He is 6 years old and is still wearing pull-ups at night. He can't speak a sentence. He isn't reading a level B book. He doesn't write clearly. He can't run in the field. He can't walk in the mall without tiring. These are all things that the round peg-round hole 6 year olds can do. Expectations  strip away the beauty of the square peg. It doesn't see the sharp straight edges that collide with each other. It doesn't see how the round pegs are curious and amazed at the sharpness of this different shape. I need to stop trying to pound my square peg into a round hole. After all, this is his journey and I choose to believe that his spirit chose to be different because he could.